THE EXPECTANT DAD

`This is your dear wishful dad from the deepest part of his heart with all the love and affection I start of this letter (its as if am trying to woo a retarded girl)

I am a young boy, with so many dreams and aspirations (I would put Martin Luther King to shame), with as much as the clothes I am in. The journey of my  life is not even ready to take off-my plane is still in the assembly line. To make it worse my destination is still unknown. Am still looking for that one thing that would spark me off make me fire up, push me forward and that will probably be you.

Somewhat many would wonder why a young guy like me, presumably in quick sand, would want such a package. A package that would require a continued look out every minute for the rest of my lifetime, a package that requires a change of diapers every so often, a package that would eat up all my meager allowance which is specifically designed for my pleasure seeking mortal self. You are a package that many crave for, adore and love to have but at the same time fear and `approach with caution`, a paradox of some sought.

Your coming into existence changes the whole dynamics of life. What many would wish is to give you is  the best that there is, their notion of utopia, but what if they can not even give an average to themselves, what then? What I fear most is that your beginning would be my end. You would change how others perceive me. I would no longer be their cool friend but rather a friend who has a lot on his hands. The night outs would be a rumor and as time goes it becomes a murmur which then fades away into space. The days I would drink to my last penny leaving only dust particles in my pocket, not knowing what I would eat the next morning, would be an artifact. 

If you are a girl the so many girls I chase after would be long gone and you would be the only girl that would make me huff and puff.

I consider you a load heavier than the ten commandments but worthy since you would make me right keep my compass facing north. I wait for you as a woman with labour pains but the result would be a bundle of joy lighter than any of us but with greatest potential.`

See you soon.                                                                                                                      

                                                                          Your expectant dad.

                                                                                                             

EXPERIMENT THEORY

I have looked everywhere and searched, what I found I tried out but it didn’t work out so therefore this is the only avenue in which I can speak my mind freely without fear of any judgment because anyway whatever you say after you read this won`t matter at all. Anyway to the point at hand I am man who if you have been reading most of my blogs would come to conclude that I am a pathetic guy. Even by reading that statement it makes me look pathetic but then again I don’t care what you think.

Right now I feel like a CAGED animal being tested on by the almighty Father. I can`t complain much because everyone on this wretched earth, which is at the brink of extinction (meaning the experiment is almost over), is an experiment of which you would either be a failure and discarded or a success and therefore rewarded with less more experimentation!

The concept of living then dying doesn’t make sense to me at all. After death then what! Then what was the purpose of existence in the first place!

You are born, and as you grow up you meet many more people who if you asked what their purpose on this earth is, the all but familiar answer that you would is get is `God has a purpose for me` or `eating, drinking and partying` and many of them die without ever realizing that goal(failed experiments).

You are all but experiments some of which are doomed to fail because conditions in which you were put in require so. You are what are known as control experiments.

To explain my audacious claim I will use the some basic things most of you have heard of I hope. Judas Iscariot was from long time ago known to be the `msaliti` to Jesus Christ therefore even before he was born his fate was sealed. Other examples Lucifer, once a great angel now he is what he is- an evil guy! Some of you are made to be a stepping stones for others to get to where they are supposed to be. Don’t be weary at least I was brave enough to tell you as it is. 

Now you know your purpose OF WHICH YOU CANT CHANGE! Whether you refer to it as fate or whatever fancy word you wish to lace it with, bottom line is we are experiments that of which the Great Scientist requires a particular result. Humans weren’t that bright to come up with the experimentation process. So us you experiment on others so are you experiments of others! 

NB; Am still a Christian and believe in Christ as Lord.

WEB OF THOUGHTS

Boredom is one those things that you should never let creep into your youthful life. Just sitted there not knowing what to do, what not to do. All that you can think of is- nothing NOTHING AT ALL! Being so blank makes you wonder is your life that hollow, are you doomed to a lifetime of just staring up in the skies.
Friends come in handy at times like this but you cant really rely on them to get your life back to high gear or can you! Most of the times I feel too old for my age. I wonder am I the only one feeling like this. Now this are thoughts of self pity but I cant help it. Growing up(which still I am), I was told to be weary of the friends that pull you out of the so-called straight line. This concept of the straight line is one that I have never come to grasp .
They say the only way to learn is to make mistakes.But what mistakes are we talking about here! Getting yourself drunk silly, smoking all kinds of hard narcotics, getting different girls pregnant, screwing around. Maybe some of them are bad!
At this point my thoughts are not even in sequence, not any big flamboyant words are coming to me to make this blog entry look very interesting or am I just kidding myself. Am thinking maybe I should just stop here and push all this negative energy down the basement where all the unsolved puzzles are. But then again it might be full down there and any more additions would make all of em come out with full force, out bare now even more jumbled up.
It strikes me that maybe am being to complicated with everything maybe I should just...........(and again nothing comes to mind).
Have I said that sometimes I think am too old for my age...... oh yes I did. Its like I live in a mansion whilst am supposed to be in an ashanti, a single roomed house. Its like I have lived for five decades like I have experienced everything and done it all. But not quite! Am just at my prime, being ripe for the world- still in the nest.
I think am just making a chicken look an ostrich! 

101 WITH LOVE

Can one really share their heart,
Can one really love two,
Can one love both old and new,
Can one differentiate between old and new day,
Can one rekindle an old flame,
Can ones old flame burn them into ashes
Can ones ashes arise again like a phoenix
Can one love again
Love again
Again is love real
Real and fantasy what is the difference
Difference is what you want and what you need
Need of a true love
Love that is true
True with no blemish
That is why I ask
Can one love
Can one ever give up on love
Can one love twice thrice
Can one kill their first love
Can one forget their first love
Can one say their first love would be the only love
Can one say that other loves are love
Can one forget a love that they still do love
Still do love
Kind is love
Love is servitude
Servitude master and servant
Servant serving an adulterous master
Master of disguise lies and perjury of love
Love again and again
Again the master still loves another
Another time it might end in hurt

DOCUMENT VIII; STUPIDLY SMART

`Stupid` people are afraid of `smart` people. `Smart` people are terrified that `stupid` people would come to realization that they aren’t who they are told they are. Anyway all this classification came from somehow stupid people who made themselves smart by making others stupid. The development of  IQ tests, examinations etc are those stupid things that are now smart. How do things that make you stupid become smart? They neither makes you learn you just conform and end result a zombie.

Folks developed the word creativity to sublime but their little understanding of anything. Thinking about it it`s just another stupid thing that people do not get.

`This is a very scrumptious meal. You are very creative with the spices. How did you do it? `. Your level of awareness of that dish is null. That cook just made you stupid.

Really nobody is stupid just that they can do things you can`t do; things that you otherwise considered `below your level of intelligence`.

Hipsters are a breed of people that live life simply. They don`t put any effort in anything they do or you do. They are `just over it`. They do not make intricate designs on their clothing-zero. But it has come to be picked up by various designers who now want to make a trend out of it. Mixing up different colors and patching a label on it and alas it is a creative design.

Just because you work in an office and the plumber doesn`t, that makes you no better. If we lived in the B.C that plumber would have been you almighty emperor! Shows you can`t fix your own shit!

DOCUMENT VII; SYMBIOTIC

Once upon a time there was and is still is; anyway this is an epic adventure of a young boy brought to this world, cared for and nurtured by the only person who could through all carry him for nine months and give him directions when lost. 
At the moment the boy is outside the arms of her mother, out in the real world to face the different tunes of the world- the hi`s and low`s. Still at this stage you notice the certain resemblances that you have with her traits that you thought were her own but you being her flesh and blood, the blood flows through you! 
 Back to the young boy he is now facing what he so much feared as a toddler- doing things himself. The boy is wondering if the world would accept him as he is and is there anyone showing his personality. He wants a life with no quarrels, no back-bitting, guys he can trust and with his life! All this are but a dream which he is yet to realise or not!
Walking in the forest the young`red riding hood` is pondering how the trees leave in harmony even creating shade for the younger plants with no prejudice. In his entangled mind of thoughts he came to remember the so dreadful biology lesson on how plants behave with each other. Others are symbiotic, others are are parasitic. 
`I guess this is also how human beings behave with each other but few are on the symbiotic camp`, he thought.
The notion of bite my hand I bite yours is but a fragment of imagination to many. Its more of bite my hand and all there is- Thank you.
You can never rely on any one to do anything for you, no one. But anyway it might all be a case of the `pride`. What fits one cant fit the other. Lions fight to belong to a certain pride and whoever loses leaves. Humans cant actually fight each other to belong but fight with their inner self with insistent questioning of their similarities and differences with their `pride`. Solitary animals still survive, live longer and share non of their prey with others. Or maybe the equation just doesn't solve and its time to look for a new pride worth the fight. 
You fight for something that is of benefit to you- symbiotic!

DOCUMENT VI; NEEDS A LULLABY

Sleep evades. Staring at the sky, from my window, no stars to count to make me fall asleep-into deep slumber. Reason for my being awake-even I am puzzled. The only thing I can do to pass time is take a notepad and jot down anything I can think off. And not even the right words are coming to me to put down in black and white. Feeling this continuous headache that does not seem to hurt and it aint going away. The radio is playing soft music, music for the soul but it aint soothing one bit. I can`t even put the lights on. I don`t want to wake my heart up because even she is in her own predicament. All this writing is with the help of the dim light from my phone.
As time passes am still trying to grasp why my night ain`t going as planned i.e. get in bed, my eyes shut and off I go to wonderland to join Alice. Things just do not seem right or am on the wrong footing. I feel like a malfunctioned machine with no warranty.  
Suddenly my heart awakes(from a continuous ringing hidden beneath the pillows), she stares at me wondering what the hell am doing- `What are you up-to at this time of the night?`
`Am writing a suicide note!` And am saying this confidently as if it disturbing. NORMALLY such words or phrases would not cross my mind but at this time I feel like I have lost something and at the same time I have gained everything.
A couple of minutes ago I had been reading  an article on Malcolm X and all that he has accomplished and lost-`dying a martyr` they quoted. A sleepless night nothing to do but read on a dead legend and yet it couldn`t uplift me.
The darkness seems the simplest thing and yet dangerous where all unknowns make it their realm. Staring at the darkness seems to ease my burdened self. Makes me wonder what my predicament is or am I my own predicament. Am I my own poison or my solution. Things are not getting any better. I thought by scribbling all this it will break down the shackles to my ever present insomnia but its only getting worse.
On second thought I think its better to stop writing and stare at the abyss sky and just maybe some stars will pop up. Even if its one I would count it till I fall asleep. Wishful Thinking! `Predicaments` of the Roman rulers but only that I can`t win this with an army not even the 300 Spartans!