Sleep evades. Staring at the sky, from my window, no stars to count to make me fall asleep-into deep slumber. Reason for my being awake-even I am puzzled. The only thing I can do to pass time is take a notepad and jot down anything I can think off. And not even the right words are coming to me to put down in black and white. Feeling this continuous headache that does not seem to hurt and it aint going away. The radio is playing soft music, music for the soul but it aint soothing one bit. I can`t even put the lights on. I don`t want to wake my heart up because even she is in her own predicament. All this writing is with the help of the dim light from my phone.
As time passes am still trying to grasp why my night ain`t going as planned i.e. get in bed, my eyes shut and off I go to wonderland to join Alice. Things just do not seem right or am on the wrong footing. I feel like a malfunctioned machine with no warranty.
Suddenly my heart awakes(from a continuous ringing hidden beneath the pillows), she stares at me wondering what the hell am doing- `What are you up-to at this time of the night?`
`Am writing a suicide note!` And am saying this confidently as if it disturbing. NORMALLY such words or phrases would not cross my mind but at this time I feel like I have lost something and at the same time I have gained everything.
A couple of minutes ago I had been reading an article on Malcolm X and all that he has accomplished and lost-`dying a martyr` they quoted. A sleepless night nothing to do but read on a dead legend and yet it couldn`t uplift me.
The darkness seems the simplest thing and yet dangerous where all unknowns make it their realm. Staring at the darkness seems to ease my burdened self. Makes me wonder what my predicament is or am I my own predicament. Am I my own poison or my solution. Things are not getting any better. I thought by scribbling all this it will break down the shackles to my ever present insomnia but its only getting worse.
On second thought I think its better to stop writing and stare at the abyss sky and just maybe some stars will pop up. Even if its one I would count it till I fall asleep. Wishful Thinking! `Predicaments` of the Roman rulers but only that I can`t win this with an army not even the 300 Spartans!
