DOCUMENT III; THE TRUTH

Tuesday, nothing much to it, just a normal day,-school then back home. Today I considered life as a movie. You can edit it with just a simple alteration. Like pirates of the Caribbean everyone wants a source of youth where you can make reckless decisions and it will not bite you back in the ass.
I consider life as a `deja vu` where one decision automatically disqualifies the other. In every situation there are two sides of the coin;it is either one or the other. but even as a youth you can not be reckless especially if the heart is involved.
When you take a look at your life you focus on all the bad things that have happened and forget to appreciate all the flowers that are blossoming around you. A reckless decision to use a harmful weed killer instead of a well thought out weed killer(i.e. tested and certified) then most probably you would kill even then flowers.
what am trying to pass across is that life is not about guessing, not about doing things for the moment unless of-course you know your day of demise. Life involves well thought out plans and situations. Proper hypothesis are drawn out where life rules are proved and concluded. 
I came to understand that life aint a gamble. Everything is a wheel pulling the other forward or backward. The notion that most youth have, is that life` a cloth is your own knitting`, is vague and mystified. I believe in facts and proven theories. When you knit a cloth the thread used will be no matter what the next course of action is. You decide to remove it, it would still be used, you decide to add a different pattern it would still be used. No matter ,what is done is done!
Life can not be enjoyed, you just live it. Do as it pleases with you. Differ if  you may but it is the truth!

DOCUMENT II; DILEMMA

Was a blood sucking day from a fun filled and drowsy weekend with mine starting on Thursday. Drunk as if the world would end. Anyway most of us were waiting for this wretched earth to end but not me. I like the fun part of it all the `evil` that most of us celebrate. That is what keep most people sane from everything else- the simple pleasures of life.
 Coming home I tune into the radio(I find it informative and at the same time relaxing -acts like ecstasy). A thought strikes me. What is it that makes relationships so hard to keep up with? Some say with love all other things would fall into place. If any problems crop up then love would act as the weed killer. I beg to differ. Relationships are hard work especially for the younger ones-me included. I find girls or more preferably women a bit selfish. Women are molded to be loved, treated like queens, be on their beck and call, support them keep them your number one priorities if you do not then you are on their wrong end. And their methods of, supposedly, correcting this divergence is gruesome. Am trying to be very careful in choosing my words.
 Couples fight over many things but the most interesting and killer of them all is on the topic of sexual relations. A woman wants what she wants when she wants. It is not a matter of choice. This one thing many men would not think about if offered. It is too sweet a deal.  And this a topic for next time.
Sometimes I wonder if a man is granted the opportunity to get his way once. Or if their opinion is valid? Sometimes you get into an argument and it seems like you are turning rocks into bread. If the woman has made up her mind about something telling her otherwise-disaster! You do not want to get her mad so you let it go. You love her to bits and if she gets mad then the day is ruined. You life at home is a mess. But at the same time it appears like you are being run over. You feel like you could just disappear, get away where there would be no dilemma, no decisions to reconsider and way out options which would always not be in your favor-maybe to a bar.   
Am left to wonder what is better walk away or quote the bible! Man shant leave by bread alone but by the word of the woman. No solution it is still  a  dilemma!

DOCUMENT 1; MY CONFUSION

Afternoon, not quite a different day from yesterday but at least today I somehow rediscovered that nothing comes and goes easy. My girlfriend woke up to see me off to school, with some breakfast in hand(not all that scrumptious a `mandazi` some black tea or well known in Kenyan terms `turungi`).

Came back home and the only comforting thing i could find is my laptop now am here  blogging, to pass time. The weather aint that good either. Entering the room i find my`WIFEY` sleeping all peaceful,beautiful;wish i could join her but my mind wouldn`t let me. My thoughts are vague and confusing. I tune in to Kiss100 f.m as i try to settle myself down but i find they are conviniently talking about condoms-one of the things i do not want to hear at the moment.

My life is still in a maze. Not so long ago i lost someone who meant a lot to me someone i miss dearly. am feeling like a dog with  no collar tag,belonging to no one,trying to find my way back home but instead am now in a dog pound. Am feeling caged,tied down. If Alladin could just lend me his jinni for a moment I could undo what has been done maybe correct a mistake. But then am hit with scenes from `Final destination`. IS IT TRUE THAT THE PATTERN OF DEATH CANT BE DISRUPTED? Is there even a pattern?. It sounds selfish since am not the first to lose a loved and i wont be the last! 

Some say life is a journey and as it begins it has to end. But why? Why should it end? Why not just have stopovers-and continue with the travels. If you get tired drink some redbull.

My point-ends are just virtual, things that maybe are there but not necessarily real.